About Your Family Law Mediation
1) You will feel overwhelmed if you do not prepare in advance for your mediation (and probably even if you do). Things move quickly during mediation, and you need to think and make (big) decisions quickly to reach a written and signed agreement within the time allotted. If you are not a quick thinker, then prepare, prepare, prepare. Know your finances. Know your budget. Know your kids’ schedules. Know what you will be discussing at mediation before the mediation. Ask all of the questions. Get all of the information. Your family law mediation is an important (and expensive) day- treat it that way.
2) You will not feel like you “won.” Almost nobody settles on terms worse than the worst outcome a judge would hand down. On a more fundamental level, every gain on one side is a loss on the other in most family law mediations, just by virtue of the participants. You are not strangers. Both “sides” are in some way part of the same family- by marriage or a child. One side’s loss is still the family’s loss. There are never truly any winners at the end of a family law mediation. Family law mediation is challenging and will be a rollercoaster of emotions. The goal is to minimize the pain of the losses and maximize the gains that cost the least pain. Winning should not be on the list of goals if you truly want to settle.
3) Nobody gets everything they want. Read that again. I don’t care how amazing your facts are, how impressive your attorney is, how awful your co-parent is. Nobody gets everything they want at mediation. Everything comes at a cost. I’ve been doing this family law gig long enough to know there is a cost to everything in family law. If an attorney tells you otherwise, get a second opinion.
4) A mediator cannot fix what you couldn’t fix in your marriage, family, or partner. If your spouse is an addict, do not expect them to be rational at mediation. If your co-parent is a narcissist, don’t expect sympathy at mediation. If they were financially irresponsible during your marriage, don’t expect them to be budget-conscious at mediation. You need to come prepared to deal with the realities of your situation realistically. I am not a magician or a genie.
5) In most cases, family law mediation is not cheap. This harsh truth, and how family law mediation actually saves you so much more in the long run, could take pages to explain, but, for one, see all of the above. If you do not come prepared, if a party is unreasonable, if you want everything and are not willing to sacrifice or compromise to get those things… we might be there a while, and I charge by the hour. And if you have complicated, emotional, expensive family law issues, or if you are unrepresented and want to ensure you feel comfortable that your family law mediator is effectively and safely guiding you through the negotiation process, you do not want to be basing your mediator selection on who is the cheapest in town or who has the most open dates on their calendar. A quality family law mediator is neither cheap nor in low demand. The good news is that investment in a quality family law mediator is never a waste, even if you do not reach a settlement.
By: Jessica Felix